WDW: The Hundred Acre Woods Goes to Hell
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: Sorry about the odd title. When Mr. Toad sees what's happened to his old ride at Disney World, the Hitchhiking Ghosts convince him to make it more like his old attraction.
1. Merrily On Our Way

Thanks to the positive feedback from my first story (my other works have all gotten 1-4 reviews, aside from a popular Lion King parody, so it was good to know I didn't really suck) I've written another one!

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Mr. Toad and Cyril rode down the road towards the Magic Kingdom. Toad was on his way to see how his old ride was being kept by Pooh. I suppose you're wondering what was going on with the Mr. Toad's Wild ride in Disneyland. Well, back when he still and an attraction in Disney World, Toad would alternate between rides, leaving a cardboard replacement in place of himself in the park he currently wasn't in. But now that one was gone, he spent all of his time in Disneyland. But now he was back and ready to see how things were going in Florida.

"Oh, I do hope they've kept Toad Hall well!" said Toad. "Will it still have falling armor? A train? A trip to Hell at the end? I can't wait!"

Cyril rolled his eyes. "Well, you know those cute animal types. I ecxpect it'll be a petting zoo or something. Dare I say it...it may be a gift shop! I'll never forgive them if it's a gift shop where you can buy a little Pooh doll! You can buy those anywhere in the park!"

"Oh, calm down. I'm sure it will be just as wild as ever! Besides, we're reaching the gate now."

"Hello, special guest!" smiled an employee. "May I have you admission fee?"

"Why, my dear, I'm the fabulous Mr. Toad! I need no fee!"

"Oh, do you have a park hopper?"

Toad wasn't quite sure why she wasn't just letting him in. Didn't she know who he was? Everyone knew who he was! "Hmm...can't say I do. But I can literally hop! Will that work?"

"Well, unless you have a job or an attraction here, I can't..."

"Oh, but I do! It's a wild attraction! Or should I say...a wild ride!"

"I don't think I've seen you before. I started working here a few months ago."

That explained things! "But don't you know the park's history?"

"I only know the current rides here, and you don't have one!"

Thankfully, Mickey just arrived for work. "He's with me, miss! Be sure to read up on our older rides as well, so we can avoid these kinds of problems!"

"I'm sorry...Mr. Eisner said that wasn't necessary."

Mickey didn't look too happy about that. "Where is he? I've got to talk to him about this."

"Oh, he's trying to kill himself after Pixar announced they'd be splitting apart," said the employee, still smiling.

"Again? Boy, he's not taking this well...come on, Toad. We'll take the tunnel system."

In the tunnels, Ezra, Phineas, and Gus, the Hitchhiking Ghosts, were arguing with a pair of skeletons from Pirates of the Caribbean.

"We're better at chaos! We raid a burning village every day!" boasted one skeleton.

"We almost led to the destruction of the park!" Ezra shot back. "We're the pros!"

"Oh yeah? I bet you ten bucks that you can't lead to the destruction of one ride in the park by next week!"

"Let's go destroy Stitch's Great Escape!" said Phineas.

"Hey! We meant a decent ride!"

"You're on!" said Ezra. He and his two friends ran off for inspiration. Meanwhile, Mickey, Toad, and Cyril walked around elsewhere.

"Boy, they hire anyone nowadays, eh, Mickey?" said Cyril in slight disgust.

"It's not her fault that no one seems to care about old rides! Speaking of which, why are you here, Toad? If you wanted to encourage the protestors, they've been gone for years."

"Oh, Mickey, I just want to see how my dear Florida home is now! The Disneyland one is wonderful, but I have a soft spot for this surreal journey!"

"I'll take you in the secret backstage way! If you go above nowadays, you'll get murdered by the crowd. Everyone wants a picture...or a limb."

Captain Hook sulked in the corner. "I made that mistake once...this isn't my first hook, you know."

"Oh my..."

Mickey led them away from Hook. "Yeah, he's never been the same. Well, here's the entrance to the woods, Toad! I hope you like it!"

"Of course I will! Come on, Cyril! We're merrily on our way!"

The three Haunted Mansion ghosts watched Toad walk into the ride. "Hey," said Gus, "I have an idea!"

Toad and Cyril found themselves in the Blustery Day part of the ride upon entering.

"Oh my..."

"Wow..."

Toad hopped around happily. "It's madness! I love it! Look at all this destruction! I wonder what kind of car passed through here!"

Piglet flew by. "Oh, it's just a blustery day!"

"Well, whatever this is, I love it! Let's continue!"

Toad was blown away (excuse the pun) by the rest of the ride. Be it bouncing with Tigger or the rainy day, it was quite crazy! Toad was still raving about it when they got off. "What fun! Pity I missed Pooh in there, though. My ride isn't the same, but it's just as mad!"

"And yet we're entering into a gift shop as we exit. I knew they'd work one into here, I just knew it!"

They walked out to find a huge crowd of Toad fans. Toad was happy to see that he was well remembered, but Cyril sensed danger. "Toad, we're above ground! You realize what's gonna happen, right? We die!"

"Well, at least we die by love."

Mickey, Donald, and Goofy looked down from a rooftop. "What do we do?" asked Donald.

"We need to send out an obscure character that no one remembers!" said Mickey. "Where's the Reluctant Dragon?"

"Leave it to us!" said a voice. Out stepped the Hitchhiking Ghosts.

"Not you!" groaned Mickey. "I still remember what happened the last time you left the mansion!"

"We have no choice!" said Phineas innocently. "It's under rehab!

"Can we save Toad?" asked Gus.

"Fine! Just go!"

With one swift move, the ghosts flew down and threw Toad and Cyril to safety.

"Why don't they ever want us to help them?" asked Ezra. "We do a good job...when we know we can benefit from the guys in trouble."

"What a smashing job!" cried Toad. "I must thank you!"

"Just buy us dinner and we'll be fine!"

"I have a bad feeling about this..." said Mickey.


	2. Let's Have a Drink On It

Mickey wanted Mr. Toad to get a decent fancy hotel, but they were all booked. Toad was happy just to be at All-Star Music. That night, he stood in his bathroom getting dressed in a suit that looks identical to the one he always wore. Mickey and Cyril sat in the bedroom.

"Toad, they invited you to Pleasure Island!" Mickey said to him through the closed bathroom door. "They serve alcohol there!"

"So?" came Toad's voice.

"If I know those ghosts, they have some sort of plot revolving around you! It's the only reason they bothered to save you earlier, and they're probably planning on getting you drunk!"

"My dear Mickey, J. Thaddius Toad never gets drunk!"

"I'm not sure...they can be very persuasive."

"Hey!" said Cyril. "I'm trying to watch Toon Disney! It's a lot better than the garbage they show on the regular Disney Channel! They show 'The Jungle Book 2' instead of 'The Jungle Book!' Where's the justice?"

Toad stepped out. "Well, I'm ready to go. How do I look?"

"Like you always do," admitted Mickey.

"Wonderful! Well, I'm off!" Toad hopped out the door.

"How come he isn't getting mobbed?" asked Cyril.

"I had to tell everyone that he's at a different hotel. I feel bad for the people at the Swan and Dolphin, though."

"Well, being trapped in a hotel by mad fans will teach them something. What they'll learn, I don't know..."

Mr. Toad and the ghosts sat in a small bar at Pleasure Island. "So, why do they call it Pleasure Island?" ranted Toad. "Who wants to go to a place where kids turn into donkeys? Bad marketing, that's what it is!"

"So, Toad, feeling a little tipsy?" asked Ezra.

"Not in the least! But I think I'll buy myself another drink all the same."

"And so it starts..." whispered Phineas.

"Here, have one of mine," said Gus, tossing Toad a drink.

Ezra finally cut to the chase. "So, how did you feel about Pooh's ride?"

"It was great fun! Not much like my old Toad Hall, but just as crazy!"

"So...you liked it?" said a stunned Ezra.

"Yes!"

"Darn. Uh...it's still kind of sad, you know. Look at Fantasyland in California. It had a great rehab that wasn't bad at all...but it cost you the Chicken of Sea restaurant."

"Look at what happened to the Tiki Birds..." continued Phineas.

"Can't forget Journey Into Imagination," added Gus.

"And now Toad Hall's gone..." sighed Ezra. He tossed Toad another drink. "Feel drunk yet?"

"A bit..."

Soft music began to play. "Yep, it really tears me up inside..." smiled Ezra.

(Sung to the tune of "A Guy Like You")

Ezra: **_Disney, our home theme park_**

**_Is glowing this evening  
True, it's caused by Illuminations  
But still, there's black light  
Somewhere out there in the states  
A sad little heart waits  
For a guy who will make his  
Favorite dark ride right..._**

A guy like you  
They do need one, Toad  
A guy like you  
You'd have a new fan everyday  
You truly can  
Make a ride fun, Toad  
Could there be two?

Phineas and Gus: **_Like you?_**  
All Three: **_No way!_**  
Ezra: **_Those other rides_**

**_That this park features  
All look the same  
From ev'ry boring point of view  
We need Toad Hall_**

_**And weasel creatures**_

All Three: **_When in a car_**

_**We need a star:**_

**_A guy like you_**  
Phineas: **_A guy like you_**

**_Is true and classic  
Your cardboard figures_**

**_Have a certain Disney feel_**  
(Ezra: You're aces, kid)  
Gus: **_Ride it once_**

**_And it's fantastic_**  
All Three: **_Want something hot?_**  
Ezra: **_You've got_**  
All Three: **_Appeal_**  
Gus: **_We all have seen_**

**_Expensive coasters_**  
Phineas: **_But then we crave a meal_**

**_More nourishing to chew_**  
Ezra: **_Listen to us_**

**_The crazy ghosts, or_**  
All Three: **_At times like this_**

_**They're gonna miss**_

**_A guy like you!_**Gus:**_ Call me a hopeless nostalgic_**

**_But Toad, I can feel it_**  
Phineas: **_They need you so_**

_**Any moment, they'll walk through that door**_

All Three: **_For..._**

Ezra: **_A guy so grand  
_**(Phineas and Gus: **_It's really great_**

**_Your ride is smashing_**)

Ezra: **_At least, what we've heard  
_**(Phineas and Gus: **_What's not to hate_**

**_With cars nearly crashing_**)

Ezra: **_In all the land  
Who should command?  
Why, you-know-who!_**

(Phineas and Gus: **_It's not too late_**

**_We'll help out you-know who_**)**_  
_**Ezra: **_And speeding Toad  
_**Phineas and Gus: **_Is always absurd_**

**_  
_**All Three: **_When they want classic stuff_**

**_They'll never get enough  
There's just one thing to do  
Go save Winnie the Pooh_**

On that line, Toad got into a bus and drove back to the hotel to get a good night's sleep before tomorrow's big day pf "saving" his ride. The ghosts walked laughing into the bar and had a victory round of drinks.

**_  
_**All Three: **_They really need a guy_**

_**Like you!**_

(Ezra: **_And after all,  
You'll save them from a fall  
So they've gotta love  
A guy like you!_**)


	3. Zip a Dee Doo Dah

The next morning, the ghosts were all walking down Fantasyland. "So, did you get a load of that Corpse Bride?" asked Ezra. "Hubba hubba! I wish she was a Disney character."

"It's a shame that while that hot piece of body goes off with Burton, we get stuck with a big-headed not traditional animation chicken!" agreed Phineas.

They all stopped and saw Toad and Cyril helping/shoving out Winnie the Pooh and his friends. "Really, Pooh," said Toad, "we'll just make one or two changes! That's it! Completely minimal! We'll have a smashing new range of park goers of all ages entering your delightfully wonderful woods and getting a surreal experience that may be interpreted in many ways!"

"I'm not sure what you just said."

Cyril threw the last animal to the streets. "Oh, just get out! It'll be a whole new world when you get back!"

"Oh, d-d-dear!" said Piglet. The animals all started sadly walking down to Splash Mountain. Surely those animals would let them stay. Suddenly, they were spotted by a few little girls. A mob formed and closed in on the poor characters.

"Oh, bother..."

The mob scene that followed would be forever known as the "Massacre of fluff and stuff." A few animal limbs broke off but were soon repaired. Eventually, the animals were safely taken to Splash Mountain. As they floated threw in their logs, they were spotted by Brer Fox and Brer Bear.

"Will you look at those critters!" gasped Brer Fox.

"Yeah, I..."

"They look so big! And so Fat!"

"But they might..."

"That beat looks positively STUFFED!"

"I think he's..."

"Of course, to cook 'em, we gotta catch 'em."

"Couldn't we just..."

"Yes, I think I will go after them! Set the traps!"

"Uh...okay." The two wily creatures lumbered into the woods.

Brer Rabbit welcomed the Hundred Acre Woods animals to the mountain. Tigger was the most interested. "I'll bet this place is just crawlin' with scary creatures! Got any jagulars?"

"Nope, none that I've ever seen," admitted Brer Rabbit.

"Well, what about some Heffulumps or Woozles?"

"We have weasels that pop up now and then. What you really have to look out for is Brer Fox and Brer Bear! They're always trying to eat us!"

"But that's cannibibblism! Neat."

Piglet, on the other hand, was ready to faint. Not only because of the fact that he knew those animals were out there, but because they were standing right behind them!

"We got you know, and we're gonna roast you!" growled Brer Fox.

"Roast us if you like, but whatever you do, don't fling us in that briar patch!" said Brer Rabbit, a bit too calmly.

"Look, let's just knock their heads clean off," suggested Brer Bear.

"Wait," said Brer Fox getting suspicions, "I think he's tried this one before..." the two of them sat on a log to think. "Was it when he wanted to run away? No, that was when he said he was scaring crows...was it when he had a

laughing place?' No, that ended with bees...I know! It was with the Tar Baby!"

"Yeah, an' he..."

"It turned out he lived in a briar patch! Let's go back and get him and NOT throw him in!" Both of them turned around to realize all too late that their log was going over the falls. The other animals watched as they plunged into the briar patch. Instantly, the Splash Mountain critters began to party.

_**Zip-a-dee-doo-dah**_

_**Zip-a-dee-ay**_

_**It's a time for celebrating today...**_

"We always do this when those two get tricked," explained Brer Rabbit. But Pooh wasn't very happy. "I do hope we can go home soon..."

* * *

This plot used to go a bit differently. Toad was actually going to be apaulled at how Pooh "ruined" his ride, but thinking back to it, it seemed like a ride Toad would like. Making him enjoy it from the start gave me a chance to include the hitchhiking ghosts and my second parody of "A Guy Like You." The first was an used version of the song for the characters Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy in a different story that I never posted.

(Sample lyrics: **_Behind your back/_****_The kids all snicker/_****_But they are jealous o_****_f your wit and charm, it's true/_****_And though you've shaped/Like a stick figure/_****_No question of/She's gotta love/A guy like you!)_**

****


	4. Mr Toad's Wild Woods

Back at Fantasyland, Mr. Toad and the Hitchiking Ghosts were hard at work on the final touches of "Mr. Toad's Wild Woods."

"I wish we could be mobbed," said Phineas.

"Mobbed?"

"Yeah, like Pooh was. But no one ever pays any attention to us ghosts unless we're sitting next to them...in a mirror."

Gus walked by. "Eh, we don't have to sign autographs. I'm cool with that."

Mr. Toad bounced over. "Hurry, boys! It's finished! Go find Winnie the Pooh and his friends! They'll love this!"

Pooh and the others were currently exploring the various caves of Splash Mountain. Deep in the geysers of the Laughin' Place among the singing animals and bees, they found a little cartoonish door. Tigger opened it, and inside was a room the size of a warehouse filled with bootleg "Song of the South" DVDs. A trio of alligators were feverishly typing on a computer.

"Why aren't they bidding..." one of them said quietly. "WHY AREN'T THEY BIDDING!"

"Yeah, Ebay's been slow these past few weeks," another agreed. The third alligator turned around and spied the animals. "Hey! It's that Pooh guy and his friends!"

The alligators closed the door behind Pooh. "Now that you've seen this...you can never leave..."

Piglet had a panic attack, knocking over most of the DVDs. The alligators laughed and opened the doors again. "Ha! Just kidding! Here, have some DVDs! There's a rumor that Disney's gonna finally release our movie in 2006, so we have to get rid of these bootlegs fast." Each animal was handed a DVD.

Ezra came in, beaten to a pulp. "Never insult Brer Bear after he's fallen into a briar patch. Hey, guys! Toad says he's done with the ride!"

"Oh, goody!" cried Pooh. The happy animals ran out with Ezra. As they left, the alligators heard Rabbit say, "Now, what in the world is a 'D-V-D?'"

The alligators turned back to the computer. "Well, once our movie does get released, I've got a backup moneymaker. The alternate 'Pete's Dragon' ending were Elliot eats everyone."

Pooh and his friends approached their redone ride. It looked the same...they got into the ride vehicle, which was a "hunny" pot with a steering wheel. The ride began as they passed through the blustery day scene. However, the ride was much faster. Overhead, weasles blew through the air. Falling suits of armor littered the place. Toad was hopping around in Rabbit's carrot patch. "What fun! What joy! How are you doing, Pooh? I must say, your ride is so much more wonderful now!"

Pooh looked around. "I didn't remember so many Woozles."

"Weasels, dear boy. Weasels."

The ride then entered the bounce with Tigger room. Instead, Cyril was running around, knocking trees over. A few fell onto the animals riding, but bounced off. Toad hopped by again. "We've been working on those trees."

"So they won't actually hit people?"

"Oh no, we want a tree for every car by opening day!"

The Heffulumps and Woozles room was next. As you may have guessed, it was filled with weasels and policemen, who were all shooting at each other. The animals ducked.

"Oh, don't worry!" laughed Toad. "They don't have real bullets! Only B.B. guns!"

The rain room was next. It was filled with gravestones and pop-up ghosts. "This one was the Hitchhiking Ghosts' idea."

Ezra, Phineas, and Gus sailed by in an umbrella. "We're calling this little boat 'The Brain of Pooh.'"

"That's very nice," said Kanga.

"It has nothing to with smarts..." said Gus. "We mean lobotomy!"

Last was the party scene. A few cardboard cutouts of the animals were sat around a table. Suddenly, a train barreled through, destroying them all. The final figure of Pooh stuck in the honey tree was replaced by a group of laughing devils. The animals got off the ride pale and disturbed.

"What do you think?" asked Toad. The animals said nothing. Piglet started to cry. Mickey walked out. "What the animals mean is that this isn't really the way they wanted their ride to go...but you did mean well. I think they miss you in Disneyland, Toad."

"You're right, Mickey! I'll make sure it's the best ride ever! Come, Cyril!" The two of them rode off, making tracks for Califonia. **_We're merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily on our way..._**

Mickey and the animals immediately started fixing their ride up. The ghosts watched, dejected. "So do the pirates owe us money or not?"

"Eh, I don't know..."

A little kid ran over to them. "Wow! Are you the Hitchhiking Ghosts?"

"Well...yeah."

"I love your ride! I hope it opens again soon!" The kid went off into a gift shop. The ghosts brightened. "Ezra, were we mobbed?"

"Yeah...we were mobbed! And forget Pooh! I say we go mess something up in...something in Hong Kong Disney! Let's go!

_**So...We'll have stuff**_

_**That needs a-doin'**_

_**We've got lots more rides to ruin**_

_**There's a lot of work out there to do**_

_**Oh, there's a lot of work to do!**_

THE END

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Finally I finished it! Sorry for the long delay...Thanks for all the reviews!  
-The Alligators were the Swamp Boys from America Sings. You can currently see them in the showboat scene of Splash Mountain.  
-The song the ghosts have at the end was to the tune of"The Apple Song" from Melody Time


End file.
